Someone I recently met, who has been so tremendously kind, helpful and a really good friend to talk to, found this online and I had to share it because it really does a phenomenal job explaining many of the things I feel:

Cancer killed my wife. I am not going to let it take any more from me. While I am alive I am going to live - make every effort to have a good and happy life. I've got more misery than I want or need so I am going to take every opportunity to be happy when I can. She wanted to live, wanted to have the chance I have got and I honestly think it would be disrespectful of me not to at least try and make the most of it. I've been taught in a way that I'll never forget that life and happiness are liable to be taken from us at a moment's notice and my response to an unfair universe is to be happy in spite of it.
It's not that I have 'moved on' or 'got better'. I am not looking to forget, recreate or replace my wife. I still miss her, I still cry, I still talk to her, look at photos of her and think of her all the time but I am carrying this with me, accepting it as part of who I am and asking the people who care about me to do the same.

6 months

Haven't posted in a long while but I thought I would today for the six month mark of Amanda passing away. I think about her all the time. I try not to drive myself nuts anymore by dwelling on her death like I did for so long. It sucks, yes. Worst thing in the world for me, yes. Nothing I can do to change it, correct. She wouldn't want me to be miserable like that. And I dont want to feel like that forever. For sure the hardest and darkest six months of my life. I've never felt such intense feelings of loss and such disinterest in pretty much everything. I hope things improve from here - I have a somewhat better outlook now. Still lots of grief to deal with and lots of awkward moments. Lots of secondary losses pouring in - ie symbolic losses, changed and lost relationships, etc which developed as a consquence of her death. Day at a time~

Gianna Rose is 7 months old and a little over 15lbs. She eats what seems like as much as me - she really really loves food. There isnt one thing she has tasted that she hasnt "demanded" more of...
She's starting to "chat" a lot more frequently and her pretty smile and gorgeous blue eyes always put a smirk on my face; just like Amanda used to...